Local Characters – Anecdotes – Poyntzpass History

“These tales and sayings are often repeated locally. They sometimes contain expletives and strong language without which I feel they much of their appeal.” Frank Watters

Cinema and television:

It was not uncommon, in the early days of movies, for members of the audience to shout out warning the hero or booing the villain. It was said that the late Mick Loy on one occasion shouted from the balcony of the Savoy cinema to warn Gene Autry, “Look out Gene, the whore is behind the tree!”

Mrs. Rose Downey (nee Turley, mother of Hugh, Sally and James) was only at the cinema once in her life. She was brought to Newry by a neighbour to go to the pictures in the Imperial cinema in the 1920’s. The film on show was a silent picture about the American Civil was. During a scene depicting the burning of Atlanta, Rose had to be brought Out of the cinema and taken straight home. She was very agitated and told her family that, “they have burned Newry to the ground!”

When Pat Turley’s parents were given a television, they were afraid to talk in the kitchen in case the people on the television could hear them. Pat’s father asked him, “Do you think can they see you?”

Johnny Minnis

Johnny Minnis was famous for his caustic wit. If anyone said to Johnny “That’s a nice day”, he would generally reply, “You have your share of it.”

At a time when the annual threshing was a big social event in the farming year, neighbours helped each other at the thresher and the farmer’s wife always prepared a good dinner for all the workers. On one occasion the thresher was at Calvert’s, (opposite Hanlon’s Corner, Drumbanagher). The Calverts were not typical farmers, being much more genteel. Mrs. Calvert had prepared a tasty meal but which was lacking in the usual bulk. When she asked Johnny, “Did you enjoy your dinner, Mr. Minnis?” Johnny replied, “I did, – if that was it!”

One night Johnny was sitting in Hudson’s Pub with the pub owner Gerry Hudson. It
was quite late and there was nobody else in the pub. Gerry was keen to get closed but was reluctant to ask Johnny to leave, so he said, (hoping that Johnny would take the
hint), “The fire’s getting very low, Johnny. “Johnny, who knew rightly what was in Gerry’s mind replied, If it gets any lower, we’ll have to sit up with it!”

Johnny worked occasionally for Mrs. John McComb o The Square, Poyntzpass. Mrs. McComb always paid Johnny for his work but did so erratically. Sometimes she would owe Johnny for several days or a week or two before she paid him. Once when a particularly long period had gone by and she hadn’t paid him she got worried that he might be in need of money. She asked him if he was short of money. No,” replied Johnny, “but by the looks of things, you must be!”

Another time, when one of Mrs. McComb’s sons, who had been home on a visit, left behind a suit he no longer needed, she thought it might be of use to Johnny but was afraid of hurting his feelings. She said,” Johnny, I hope you wouldn’t be offended if I gave you this coat.” “I wouldn’t be offended,” replied Johnny, “if you gave me the whole suit!”

During World War 2, when American soldiers were billeted at Drumbanagher Castle, Johnny had the job of emptying the lavatories by taking away the excrement daily in a horse and cart. There was a huge and seemingly unending amount. This led Johnny to remark “If the Americans can fight half as well as they can shite, the war will be over in a week!”

At one time Johnny was unemployed and had to sign on the ‘brew’ (unemployment benefit). At that time people from Poyntzpass had to sign on weekly in Tandragee and so Johnny, and many others, had to cycle to Tandragee each Wednesday. One Wednesday when he was asked (as he was every week) “Has there been any change in your circumstances?” He replied,” Yes.” “In what way?” asked the clerk. “I bought a new pair of boots,” said Johnny. “And how did that alter your circumstances?” asked the clerk. I couldn’t pay for them,” said Johnny.

In the 1950’s Bob Wylie collected eggs around the country. One of his suppliers was Mrs. Minnis, Johnny’s mother The eggs were supposed to be cleaned before they were packed, to be collected, but Mrs. Minnis was not too particular about this and her eggs were often not cleaned. Egg inspectors had been appointed to go around the country carrying out spot checks and if the eggs were not up to standard the whole load of eggs could be turned down or the collector could even lose his licence.

One day, as bad luck would have it, an egg inspector arrived at Minnis’s as Bob was collecting the eggs. Fearing that Mrs. Minnis’s eggs would not be up to inspection and that, as a result, the whole load could be rejected, Bob had just time to tell Johnny to distract the inspector’s attention long enough until he got Mrs. Minnis’s eggs well concealed in the load.

The inspector was immaculately dressed in a fashionable suit, spotless shoes etc. and very well groomed with hair-oil etc. Johnny put his arm around the inspector’s shoulders in a most familiar way and invited him to walk up the garden as he had something to show him.

“Would you be interested in buying a buck?” Johnny asked him, pointing to a large buck goat. “A what?” asked the inspector. “A buck goat!” said Johnny. “0h no!” said the inspector, “Wouldn’t it smell?” “No worse than yourself,” replied Johnny.

One Saturday evening Johnny bought some sausages and other beef in Bob Purdy’s butcher’s shop in Church Street. Bob Purdy didn’t have a fridge. Johnny then went over to Hudson’s pub where he spent a few hours, over a couple of bottles of stout, before setting off home on the bike. It was a warm evening and still bright and when he reached the back gate-house (Mallon’s) at Close’s estate, didn’t he notice that his sausages were covered with maggots.

Johnny knew that Mallon was an inquisitive man. He threw his parcel of sausages onto the road and started to jump round it clapping his hands and slapping his legs. In a very few minutes Mallon came out. “What are you doin’, Johnny?” he asked. “I’m tryin’ to get these sausages turned,” said Johnny. “If I get them turned I think they’d be able to walk it back to the ‘Pass themselves!”

Jemmy ‘Cock’ Shevlin

Jemmy Shevlin was known locally as ‘Cock’ Shevlin. He inherited the nickname from his father and was known by the older generation as ‘the Young Cock’. He used to drink a bottle of stout, or two, in Hudson’s pub. At the time it was regarded as risqué for a woman to be drinking in a public bar. One evening when Jemmy and a few other regulars were in the bar, a stranger came in. He asked Gerry Hudson,” How can I get a lady in?” Jemmy replied, “You could try backin’ her in!”

Barney Murphy

Barney Murphy lived in Killysavan. He was famous for his drinking binges and also for his politeness. One of his most famous statements, often quoted locally when referring to anything overloaded, is “There are too many upon her!” Barney is supposed to have said this originally about a trailer loaded with hay.

One time when I met Barney outside Allen’s Butchers in Church Street, Poyntzpass, I said “Hello, Barney” to which he replied, “You know Bernard, but Bernard doesn’t know you!” I had to introduce myself.

Barney had a brother, Eugene, who spent most of his life in America. Barney always called him, “Nugene”. On one occasion in Canavan’s bar, Barney introduced Eugene, who was home on holiday, as “This is my brother, Nugene, home on holidays from Western Canada, USA!”

Barney regularly drank till he became unconscious. One time in William Bell’s, Newry Street, Banbridge, Barney passed out. When he came to, some of his drinking companions remarked, “My god, Barney, we thought you were dead!” “In that case,” said Barney, “I hope some of you had the decency to send for the priest!”

“Oh, we did. We sent to Loughbrickland for Dean McPolin” they said. “Very good,” said Barney. “But he wasn’t there,” they said. “Oh,” said Barney. “What did you do then?” “We sent on to the Fourtowns for the Reverend Boyd [the Presbyterian minister],” was the reply. “A decent man” said Barney, “He’d do well.” “But he wasn’t at home either,” they said.

“Oh! And what did you do then?” asked Barney. “We sent on to the ‘Pass for Hamill Morrow” [the local tailor and Baptist preacher] was the reply. “Oh, Jesus no!” Said Barney, “that’s going too far. One has to draw the line some place!”

One dark wet night, quite late, in the late 1950’s, Lewis and Hugh Smart overtook Barney on the Blackbridge Road and stopped to give him a lift. At that time there was some trouble in the country with the IRA carrying out attacks on police stations etc.

They pulled up their coat collars and their caps down over their eyes so that Barney was unable to recognise them. “Good evening, men” said Barney, getting into the back seat. They answered gruffly in what they supposed to be south-Armagh accents.

“You men are not from this part of the country,” said Barney. “No, we’re from Forkhill. We’re down to do a job. There’s an Orange Hall somewhere here that we’ve come to blow up. Can you show us where it is?” Barney replied, “For God’s sake boys, lave her be. Yous’ll blow her up but we’ll have to pay for building her again!”

One night two strangers came into Canavan’s Pub where Barney and his usual cronies were drinking. Their presence evoked much curiosity and speculation among the regulars as to who they were and what they were doing there. Barney undertook to find out.

He went over to them. “Good evening, men,” said Barney. “You’re strangers in these parts.” “That’s right,” they replied, “we’re just passing through.” “You’re very welcome,” said Barney. “And tell me, what do you men do for a living?” ‘Oh we don’t work,” was the reply, “we’re homosexuals.” “Jesus!” said Barney. “Youse must be very smart men!”

Barney Murphy Snr., (Barney’s father) was married, and widowed, three times. Following the death of his third wife he seemed to lose heart and stayed in the house all the time. When the following spring came the neighbours, feeling sorry for him, got together and put in his crops. When they had finished one of them went in to Barney Snr.

He said, “There now, the crop’s in for you. Look here, you’re goin’ to have to pull yourself together. We know you’ve had a bit of a knock but you have a lot to be thankful for. You’ve been married to three good women and they all brought a fortune of money to you.” Barney Snr. replied, “Howl on a minit. Do you know what I’m goin’ to tell you? When you marry them and feed them and bury them, there’s very little (profit) out of them!”

Jane Craft

Jane Craft, a native of Belfast, lived in various houses in the Poyntzpass area in the early years of the century. She regularly flitted from one house to another. One of the things to be done when moving house was to move the hens in a cart, and their legs had to be tied to prevent them escaping. So often had Jane and her hens moved, that it was said locally that if the hens heard a cart coming, they lay down on their backs and put their legs up in the air!

Jane was married twice. Firstly to a Bill Taylor and later to John Craft. John came home from World War I in ill-health and died soon afterwards. Jane was famous for the coarseness of her speech. She died around 1930.

At one time, around 1920, Jane lived in the house on the Newry Road, presently occupied by Annie McSheny. One night when Harry Loy and some other young fellows were going up the Old Road, Harry was playing some ‘ nationalist ‘ music on the mouth organ. Jane shouted across the fields, “I like your music, but I don’t like your tune!” Harry shouted back, “Up Dublin!” Jane’s response was, “Up me arse, you pack of Papish bastards. If our John was at himself, he’d kick the fuckin’ ribs intil you!”

Jane Craft lived in Acton for a time She had a small shop. One day when she was walking to Poyntzpass, she met Feily Gavin who was pretending to be eating chocolate. She said, “Give us a bit of your chocolate.” He gave her a large piece. However, the chocolate he gave her was not the same as the chocolate he was eating, it was laxative chocolate.

By the time Jane arrived in the ‘Pass the chocolate was beginning to work. She made it as far as the Post Office where she asked Davy Little, if she could use his convenience. He said that she could, so she hurried out to the lavatory in the yard at the rear of the Post Office. She was gone for such a long time that eventually Davy Little became concerned that something must have happened to her. He went down the yard and called to her, “Are you all right there, Mrs. Craft? “Jane replied, “Oh I’m all right, only my arse is running like a shore!”

Another day when she was walking to Poyntzpass she was given a lift by a breadman called McKay. He deliberately swerved the bread van and hit every bump and pothole in the road with the result that Jane was well shaken and tossed about by the time she reached Poyntzpass. When Davy Little in the Post Office remarked to her that she looked a bit flustered, she replied, It’s no wonder I look flustered. Sure the shite is cross-roads in me!”

Johnny Mackle

Johnny Mackle lived with his sister in Acton. One day while walking along the railway he gathered raspberries and put them in his hat which he then put on his head. It was a hot day and, by the time he got home, the juice of the raspberries had run from his hat and down his face. His sister – Minnie? – was waiting for him and was talking to some neighbours when she saw him coming. She cried “Ah Jasus! Here he’s comin’ now and the brains is knocked out of him!”

Billy Whiteside

Billy Whiteside was famous for his sayings. When told on one occasion that homosexuality was to be made legal in England, he said, “I don’t mind as long as it isn’t made compulsory!”

Billy said St. Patrick made a serious mistake when he banished the snakes out of Ireland. Billy said, “If he had left the snakes alone and banished religion, we’d have been a lot better off.”

One time Mickey Waddell met Billy and the course of conversation remarked that he was sorry he had missed the funeral the previous week of an old friend who had died in England but whose remains had been brought back home to Drumbanagher Church, where Billy was sexton and grave-digger. “You needn’t worry about missing the funeral,” said Billy. “For he was cremated in England and had left instructions that his ashes were to be scattered in Drumbanagher churchyard. You see it was a very windy day and the Rev Clyde had the most of him home with him in the turn-ups of his trousers!”

Billy Whiteside was very friendly with Day Sterritt of Drumbanagher, but he could not get on with Day’s mother. He and Mrs. Sterritt could agree on nothing. One day he happened to be talking to Graham McDowell and when Mrs. Sterritt’s name was mentioned Billy told him about how difficult she was to get on with. Nothing Billy ever said or did pleased her.

Some time later, Mrs. Sterrit died and, as it happened, on that very day he and Graham McDowell happened to meet again. “I hear your old friend is gone,” said Graham. Billy found it difficult to say anything positive about her. “At least,” said Graham, “you’ll get something out of her. You’ll get paid for digging the grave”. “I wouldn’t depend on it,” said Billy, “for the woman was that crooked they might have to screw her into the ground!”

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Tom Burns

For many years Tom Burns was the gravedigger at St Joseph’s, Poyntzpass. There were no records of graves before Tom ‘s time and sometimes when opening a grave, he came on a coffin still intact. The ‘higgeldy-piggeldy ‘ nature of the graves caused Tom a lot of bother. On one such occasion when he was digging a grave for Mary Waddell and was really frustrated at the lack of organisation, he said to Mickey Waddell, brother of the deceased, “There’s no fuckin’ law nor order in this graveyard!”

While opening a grave for Mrs. Mel Gribben in the plot where her husband Mick and his brother Brian (Briney) were buried, Tom came upon dozens of large stones. He said, “Jesus Christ, Briney must have started a quarry in here!”

Harry Campbell

Harry Campbell, formerly of Ballyreagh and later of Church Street, Poyntzpass, was on one occasion making his way home after a drinking session in Canavan’s Bar, Railway Street. As he came round the corner from Railway Street into Church Street, he sat down for a few minutes on Corbett’s window. A lady passing by said to him, “Excuse me, but could you tell me what time it is?” Harry replied, “ Mem, I couldn’t even tell you what day it is!”

On one occasion the police caught a number of regulars drinking after hours in Canavan’s Pub. A few days later a group of customers in the pub were discussing the incident and what various people had done and said. Dessie Smyth, who hadn’t been in the pub on the night, spoke up. He said, “If I hada been there, I’d have told them I knew nothing!” Harry said, “And you wouldn’t have been telling them one word of a lie!”

Joe Lennon

Joe Lennon, known as ‘old Joe’, was the father of Joe, Jim, Paddy, Frank and several daughters and grandfather of Joe, Captain of Down, All-Ireland Champions 1968. He enjoyed the reputation of having a “ bad tongue “ and a bad temper.

He also was famous for having a great knowledge of the Old Testament, something very rare among Catholics locally at that time. Baptist preachers regularly held open-air sessions on Poyntzpass streets at that time, preaching about the evils of drink and the sins of the flesh. They were regularly in the Square on Saturday evenings when Joe, on his way home from Canavan’s Pub, used to debate with them across the street. On one occasion he told Harry Finch “It says in the Bible, ‘There shall arise false prophets’, and by Jasus, Harry, you’re one of them!”

Another time, Harcourt McElroy was preaching. He, seeing Joe’s condition and hearing his remarks, said, “1t is not what goes into the mouth that defiles the soul, but what comes out of it!” Joe’s reply was, “Did Adam stick the apple up his arse?”

Sam Hudson

Sam Hudson is remembered for several statements. He was reported to have said to his wife Catherine while they were in bed, “Catherine lie over, you’re suffocating me!” Another time while on top of a haystack he apparently took an attack of vertigo. He had to lie down on top of the stack. He said, “Will somebody fetch the long ladder.”

Johnny Farnon

Johnny Farnon lived in Chapel Street in the early years of the century. When he made soup, he was said to stir it with a wax-candle, “to put a bit of a bade (bead) on it!” One time the local priest visited Johnny while Johnny was making his dinner. The priest stayed on talking till the dinner was more than ready and Johnny was more than ready for it. When he eventually said to Johnny “I’ll have to go.” Johnny replied, “Your absence would be very welcome!”

Jemmy Kinney

James (Jemmy) Kinney, Ballyargan was famous as a teller of tall tales about his exploits. He said that he had a dog. “He was the smartest dog ever was seen in Ballyargan, or any place else, for that matter. The like of that dog for cleverality there never was and he was very reliable, never knowed to stray. He was called ‘Laddie’ and he was that ould fashioned he could tell what you were thinkin’.

“Anyway, one time Laddie went missing. He was away for over a fortnight. I looked everywhere and anywhere but he couldn’t be seen or heard-tell-of in the country. All the neighbours kept an eye out for him, but no word of Laddie was to be got, high or low At last I said “l doubt he’s a goner” and I give up hope and come to the conclusion that I’d not see Laddie again.

But, be god, here didn’t I come in one night after doin’ the reddin’ up and wasn’t me boul’ Laddie lyin’ comfortable and well on the hearthstone in front of the fire. “And where have you come from?” says I. “Where the divil have you been this three weeks?” And didn’t Laddie get up and take his paw and start to write in the ashes on the hearthstone. And do you know what he wrote? Well, I’ll tell you. He wrote, ‘Omeath’!”

James Molloy.

Barney McCormack told me the following story about a neighbour of his called James Molloy. James was a bachelor and quite elderly when Barney knew him. He lived in a wee house near The Birches and he kept a few hens. However, he had a lot of trouble with the fox, which was regularly visiting his hen house and killing hens. James referred to the fox as ‘The Red Fellow’.

Once when Barney met him and enquired how he was, James replied that the ‘Red Fellow’ was back the previous night and that he had decided to give up and to sell the remaining hens. He said to Barney, “ Ifyou see the hen man, tell him I want to see him, send him up. “Barney eventually met the hen man and delivered the message.

The next time he met James he said, “Well James, did the hen man call with you?” “0h indeed he did,” replied James. “And did he take the hens?” “He did. “Well, how did you get on? Did you get a good price for them?” James replied, “Did I what! The only difference between the Hen man and the Red Fellow is, the hen man didn’t ate the bottom of the dure!”

Jemmy ‘Buffer’ Burns

James, or Jemmy, Burns was known as ‘The Buffer Burns. He was part of a group employed in maintaining the Newry Canal but laid off occasionally. On one occasion, when they were temporarily laid off their work on the canal, Buffer Burns and Peter Campbell went to sign on the ‘brew’ in Tandragee. After waiting for some time they were told to go upstairs. They went up and by mistake went into a storeroom where old out-of-date files were kept in filing cabinets marked ‘Deadfiles. Pointing to the files, Buffer whispered to Peter “Them poor hores is all dead!”

The Buffer Burns was not physically imposing. He was a slight man with, in his later years, a pronounced stoop. However, it appears that his wife Mary was very proud of his physique, for she was supposed to have said to a neighbour on one occasion, “You should see our Jemmy stripped!”